Winter Coats and Tiger's Strips

So another winter is upon us and once again I find myself at the ridicule of my peers. To answer them simply, "yes I know it is cold outside and yes I know I am not wearing a jacket." I get it, these friends, whom many of which are women, are showing their maternal concern. I think I draw the line when the male teller at Wells Fargo makes a comment. I have many reasons for not wearing a traditional winter coat during this time of year. Like to hear them, here they go.

1. My body is a furnace. Most peoples body's operate at 98.6 degrees. My Body thinks that shit is too cold. My body only reached 98.6 degrees on a Kelvin scale. Even just this morning I was leaving the YWCA after working out and I had to stand outside for like five minutes without my hat on and my jacket unzipped, or I would have sweat on the bus for its complete 20 minute trip. Don't even get me started on exiting the shower during the summer. I sit around wetter then a waitress sitting shotgun in Tiger Woods' Escalade. Or any woman for that matter. Jesus, who didn't Tiger fuck.
2. I don't like being bogged down. I like to travel as light as possible. A hoodie and gloves, and a hat and a jacket, plus long johns, and knee socks, and boots. I can't handle all of that. I feel more over dressed then Elin Woods feels next to any of Tiger's whores (that's two). And a scarf is like a 21st century noose, not exactly my kind of strange fruit.
   
3. Where am I supposed to put all of this shit. I'm 26, my friends and I like to go to the bars, have a drink or 6, sings some karaoke (No diggity), and not sweat my ass off (no doubt). Where the hell am I supposed to put this big ass coat? Coat check? Not taking my 3 dollars. Hanger? I'm not just leaving this at the front of the restaurant. Lay it over the stool? I don't want mine or someone elses booty sweat all over it. And it you put it over the back of a chair, it will slip up and get all nasty (like a New York Club Hostess, that's a Hat Trick my Cablinasian friend). If I wear a hoodie (and I love hoodies) Im good to go in ever situation.
   

So am I cold, not as much as you may think. Do I appreciate your concern, yes. I just don't need to hear it every day. Once every two weeks is just fine.

So back to this Tiger Woods thing. Wow. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork to claim their piece of the pie. Waitresses, porn stars, hostesses, I think one woman was a cat lady. Seems like Tiger would hit anything with his 5 wood...

I guess this makes me wonder a few things. Is Tiger a sex addict? Is it just cause he can? Do these girls do something Elin won't? More often? At all? How did she find out? Couldn't Tiger have been more selective? Why does everyone care (aside from his family)? And most of all, why is everyone so surprised? What reason has there been to think that Tiger is any different that any other athlete. If Tiger was a basketball player, he would be playing golf this weekend. Shawn Kemp is still discovering children at a rate of 1.2 every month. I'm not excusing wat he did, not really cool, especially since Elin is pretty hot, but really it isn't anyones business. And I (sadly) an interested by it, but not really surprised. More often then not males (especially pro athletes) are a product of their surroundings and opportunities. They were there, so he pounced. Though I bet when he, Federer and Jeter found that lost cat, they didn't know they were in for a wild night of love making.

Randoms....

So I just watched the movie Terminator Salvation. Meh. Were there a few ok action set pieces sure, but between those events the acting just kinda laid there like Terri Schiavo. But even Jesus would have pulled the plug on this one. Plus Common should stop making movies cause he can't act. He literally made what should be a hopeful phrase "It worked!" sound worse than his album Universal Mind Control. If plugging a different anonymous black man or rapper into Wanted or Smokin' Aces means he goes back to making good albums and not crap club music, then please do it. Seeing 1984 Arnold was nice though. Bring in James Cameron, since the only good Terminators were the first two.

Speaking of Cameron. Avatar comes out in a few weeks. Even the TV commercials say "movies won't be the same" after it comes out. Really? I guess the 3d is supposed to be cool (though i think it only really works with animation, like UP or Coraline(both very good by the way)). Paradis has pointed out that he has yet to make a bad movie, which I naturally wanted to argue. After running through his filmography I realized he was right. Terminator, T2, Abyss, True Lies, even Titanic reached levels of high comedy with people ping ponging of propellers and the band continuing to play their instruments as people are sliding off the ship. Hilarious. But I'm not sold yet. Right now it looks like Matrix Revolutions meets Dragonheart. And all those 12 foot tall blue people creep me out. And you know that they are going to have some gross lizard sex. If you ride your dragon home after a one night stand, is it a fly of shame? Glide of Shame? I dunno, I probably just go see Sherlock Homes over Christmas. Cause who doesn't love a Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr bromance.

Lost is only two months away. Final Season. Whose giddy? I am. I just hope Walt comes back and schools everyone with his teleporting, backwards talking, bird homing skills. And that Sawyer just talks back to people. And Ben utters the phrase "fickle bitch" every episode. can't wait.

I'm currently stuck listening to 5 songs ad nausea. In no particular order.

• Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi. Maybe my favorite track off of his great debut album. Seek out the album if you like introspective, forward moving hip hop. Plus this track is produced by Ratatat and features MGMT. Pretty, pretty good.
• Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I was sad to hear that this band was in town last week and I didn't know about it. Nice pseudo-country rock track with a infectious hook (Home, Let me come Home, Home is Whenever I'm with you) and I love when a song breaks down into a little speak along story.
  
• 40 Day Dream by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Another great track from this new group. Worth listening to just the following verse:

I been sleepin for 60- days and

Nobody better pinch me
Bitch I swear I’ll go crazy
She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath now
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death now

• My Girls by Animal Collective. Simply put, its like listening to Brian Wilson on acid. Wait, that's what the Beach Boys did. Well then its like Brian Wilson, Roger Troutman, and Daft Punk making a song about love, family, and contentment with both.
• La Vie en Rose by Louis Armstrong. My old timey kick brought me around to this gem that I had heard before, but never gave its proper due until recently (thanks for the heads up Chaus). Just a beautiful song. Go download it now.
  

Also, I just found my second blog that I made called Simons' Says on the left side links. So if you are looking for more of my politically insensitive and grammatically incorrect rants, help yourself.