King Kong

So last week I was recapping an old conversation I had, to my friend ChickLit about Denzel Washington and his depth of characters. In the original conversation, burgeoning director Matt McGlennon stated that Denzel was incapable of playing a character of low stature. At the time, maybe a few years ago I couldn't quite agree with him. When recapping the convo with ChickLit, I realized I had come full circle on the idea, and now agreed with him. Everyone he plays is a strong willed, emotionally strong, fist pounding, top of his lungs yelling, bad ass. Even when he plays struggling characters, or bad guys, even “quiet” characters seem to have at least one moment where he stares someone in the face and says something along the lines of “King Kong ain’t got shit on me!” I think he said it to an HMO in John Q.

[Even Denzel playing a retard would be the most strong willed retard ever. “I will not ride on the SHORT BUS!!”]

So I was not quite surprised to find him monopolizing my dreams last night. He had something to prove. It started with me hosting something of a Inside the Actors Studio episode. I asked him about his craft, his biggest iconic rolls. He told me about how he was starting to venture into improvised theater. This is probably the highlight of my dream, cut to a clip of him and Wayne Brady yelling. Denzel yelling in the scene and Brady yelling at him for yelling. It was classic. But then things got serious. We went to his home and met his wife. She walked us to the nursery where his very sick daughter was. It escapes me what was wrong with her health, but as Denzel started to cry at a level 8 or 9, I knew that if I didn’t wake up soon, I was destined to sit through John Q 2. Even my subconscious knows he cannot play a humble, chilled out character. Where is his Brad Pitt like disappearance into a small supporting role. Why not do a comedy. Don’t get me wrong, when Denzel is on, he is on. But I’m not a 45 year old black woman. Your smile and cackle works on Oprah, but not me. Just surprise me Denzel. I’m hoping King Kong still has nothing on you.

Fringe Festival

So I'm new to performance, at least on this scale. I did the Stevie Ray's thing, but everyone that came to those shows I pay rent to or used to claim me as a dependent on their tax returns. Not a lot of unbiased praise. I have no doubt that these people, friends and family, truly enjoyed what they saw, but you take their pride with a grain of salt.

Well snap to Sunday at the Fringe festival. I'm walking out of the show Flops, a musical revue of songs from failed Broadway plays. Good Stuff. One song had a verse about a sperm defeating a diaphragm, I kid you not. As I was enjoying the rice crispy treat the cast handed out, a kid, maybe 11-15 years old (I have no age-dar, so yeah, that's a wide range of ages) stares at me and says “Whooooaaaaaaaa.” So, confused, I stare back.
....
....
“You were the chef from last night!”
...
...
Finally it clicks( he went to see my show The Quest (www.fringefestival.org/2010/show/?id=1345), where I in fact played something of a romance languages dancing pizza chef. I say romance language(s) because quite frankly, my accent could have been French, Italian, or possibly Irish dependent on the sentence.

“Oh, yeah, ah, thanks...” As I shuffle away like a four year old who drags his feet. My mood lies in some purgatory between cool, ecstatic, embarrassed, and awkward. First legit Fringe experience. Unless you count the overwhelming waif of b.o. at an other was very cool (and soon to be extinct) Bedlam Theater aka Fringe Headquarters.

Also see Speech if you can, totally worth it for Tim Hellendrung’s closing speech about rolling rocks alone.

Gone Fringin’

An Open Letter to Rainbow Foods Customers,

Hi, my name is Eric. I'm here to buy a loaf of bread, some yogurt and a bag of apples. I see you have a cart. That is nice. Doing all of the shopping for the week? Kids no doubt need your sugar cereals and frozen pizzas. Gushers, nom nom nom. Chips galore, cookies, pop, Axe body spray, tatter tots, Brawny towels, etc. With those last few choices, its starting to look like a weird orgy/ pot luck. The excitement of possible fornication and carb loading seems to left you with an inability to scan all of your items properly. Nope missed the laser again, try once more. There you go, only 50 more things to scan. Glad you chose to go to the self service line. Is it because you thought it would be faster then someone who works there doing it? Cause all the people in those lines will be gone by the time you start trying to put coupons in the machine. Is it to build up your independence? Did Coach McKowski tell you you would never amount to anything in gym class? You'll show him. "I scanned all my own groceries! Fuck you McKowski!" Thats no way to make up for a lackluster breast stroke. Why are you wasting everyone's time. The Self service is for like 15 items or less. Maybe 20. Exceptions are made for competence. You seem to lack this. You can't pit it back in your cart after scanning... Come on. Now the weight scale is off. Yep look around like a deer who wandered out of the woods into the express lane, deers don't like Funyons. You are holding everything up, you should be Bambi-ed*. Finally you're done. Watch It takes me 90 seconds to scan and pay. That's what this aisle is for. Now I can leave. Sigh... Oh how lovely. Guess whose overweight partner has been parked in the middle of the parking aisle that whole time. Invest in Simon Delivers, and save yourself the perpetual sweating and putting on your best sweats.

Love,
Eric

*Bambi's mom was the one that got shot. If Bambi had been shot, it would have resembled a deer version of In The Bedroom. Marisa Tomei would make a hot Doe.
Thumper... an inside job?

LOST and Found

So here are my 2 or 3 cents on LOST. For those of you lucky enough to have seen the Show through carry on, those that are currently watching or may watch in the future, there will probably be some spoilage in the following paragraphs.

So off the bat, the finale in my opinion was great. It went out on a high note and doing everything that LOST does well. Drama, action, comedy, love, death, science fiction, good, evil, black, white, gray, faith, chance, the grounded and the ridiculous. It answered questions and yes it through out some new ones. Frustrating? Maybe a little, but its the sort of thing the show does and it will allow it to be debated for the next months and through the power of dvd and syndication, forever. The show is easily one of the best series ever produced simply because it has found a way to balance all of the things above, do so in a serialized structure, and do it consistently for 6 years (well at least 4 and a half years, I'm looking at you parts of season 2 and 3).

Through my readings on the internet and twitter, People either seem to be on board with the finale or dead set against it. Some even go as far as to say it was a waste of 6 years. Wrong. If one episode made it a waste of 6 years than you need to reevaluate your rating system. That's like eating a basket of fries and crying because there was no ketchup left for the last one. You weren't complaining about all those other fries, and if that last fry had been made correctly to your specifications, some of the other fries would have been over done. Or digested too quickly. Too salt. Ugh, the extra brown one. You get the idea.

What so many people over look is that the show has always been about the characters. The first and last shots are of Jack's point of view. Yes they crashed on this island. Yes Charlie is all "Where are we?". Yes there is a pillar of smoke and polar bears, four toes statues, barracks, hatches, electromagnetism and time traveling bunnies. But none of that means shit unless it affects the character growth of these people who are shown with some much depth, care, and defects. LOST is how these people feel, the island is just a place that is testing those feelings. Half of the story of LOST has taken place off the island, so why is so much dependent on that being completely fleshed out.

As soon as surly, suicidal Jack uttered to Kate "We have to go BACK!!" it was obvious that getting off the island isn't the point of the show, other than a metaphor. Live together, die alone. Those words have been uttered countless times throughout the series, and most of these people were simply islands when they arrived. Divorced, widowed, without lost lovers, literally and figuratively with out fathers, adopted, pregnant with a dead beat boyfriend, liver-less, through and through broken. The island tested these peoples survival, and they each ad to grow. Once these people grew, they were given peace. Some saw it on the island, like everyone's favorite ice cream swirl Rose and Bernard. Most got to see it through the afterlife, or at least found that they could look back upon their time served on earth and try to make amends for what they have done.

I felt that there was no more beautiful a scene as the final time Locke and Ben spoke. Ben, who truly was one of the good guys, didn't feel he was ready to move on after the things he has done. Locke now knows what Ben what fighting for and fighting against, forgives him. Its a step in the right direction, as is his time served as the Richard to Hugo's Jacob. But he has to be completely at peace before he can move on. Michael and Eko were not there in the church in the finale. Though it is known that Eko (I'm too lazy to look up his real name, and its 38 letters and two hyphens) wanted more money, he may not have been at peace on the island. Michael was not, that's why he is stuck there. But a small part of me realizes that's ok because it meant that Walt got to live a normal life in New York, probably followed by pro ball cause the kid was like 6'8" by the season 3 finale. Was he special? Yep, do I wish we got more of him? Yep. But in this world they created there are probably countless Hugo's, Walt's, Miles', and Locke's. Don't forget the Desmond's, Brotha. His uncorking of he electo-pool was a favorite scene of mine as was the following scene of jack being baptized in the yellow stream after re-corking it. To have John Locke live on through Jack allows the show to come full circle and gives Locke the respect that he was due after so much heart ache. I'm not exactly the religious type, but the death of Jeremy Bentham was the sign that Jack needed to go back. The others ended up coming along, but it meant nothing until their tried and true leader stepped up. Jack haters can hate, but he has always had the best interest of the group in mind, even when it didn't work. Locke did to, even wen they opposed. It really was faith and science merging that saved everyone. Some escaped the island, to take care of their baby, spend all their diamond money, or in the case of Richard and Frank, unbutton their shirts and sip Mai Tai's. Others perished. Hurley and Ben marched the island on. The cycle I'm sure continued, they come, the steal, the murder, etc. While it may have always ended the same on the island, in death none of these people had to die alone. Now they just have to wait for the next airdrop of Dharma ranch.



All of LOST's allure can summed up in the moments where Jack is convincing Hurley to be the next Jacob. Tense, emotional, faith, growth, and humor. Hurley was scared to take the job, but he did, because Jack believe he could. That scene worked not because Hurley talked to dead people but because we know he lacked confidence. We now that because of all the time we spent watching him struggle with weight, sanity, luck, and love. Was there some crazy sci-fi going on there? Sure there was, but who cares. All I saw was two friends sacrificing something for each other and the everyone else they cared about. It was a beautiful scene, a beautiful finale, and a fabulous send off. Now what am I going to watch?

Winter Coats and Tiger's Strips

So another winter is upon us and once again I find myself at the ridicule of my peers. To answer them simply, "yes I know it is cold outside and yes I know I am not wearing a jacket." I get it, these friends, whom many of which are women, are showing their maternal concern. I think I draw the line when the male teller at Wells Fargo makes a comment. I have many reasons for not wearing a traditional winter coat during this time of year. Like to hear them, here they go.

1. My body is a furnace. Most peoples body's operate at 98.6 degrees. My Body thinks that shit is too cold. My body only reached 98.6 degrees on a Kelvin scale. Even just this morning I was leaving the YWCA after working out and I had to stand outside for like five minutes without my hat on and my jacket unzipped, or I would have sweat on the bus for its complete 20 minute trip. Don't even get me started on exiting the shower during the summer. I sit around wetter then a waitress sitting shotgun in Tiger Woods' Escalade. Or any woman for that matter. Jesus, who didn't Tiger fuck.
2. I don't like being bogged down. I like to travel as light as possible. A hoodie and gloves, and a hat and a jacket, plus long johns, and knee socks, and boots. I can't handle all of that. I feel more over dressed then Elin Woods feels next to any of Tiger's whores (that's two). And a scarf is like a 21st century noose, not exactly my kind of strange fruit.
   
3. Where am I supposed to put all of this shit. I'm 26, my friends and I like to go to the bars, have a drink or 6, sings some karaoke (No diggity), and not sweat my ass off (no doubt). Where the hell am I supposed to put this big ass coat? Coat check? Not taking my 3 dollars. Hanger? I'm not just leaving this at the front of the restaurant. Lay it over the stool? I don't want mine or someone elses booty sweat all over it. And it you put it over the back of a chair, it will slip up and get all nasty (like a New York Club Hostess, that's a Hat Trick my Cablinasian friend). If I wear a hoodie (and I love hoodies) Im good to go in ever situation.
   

So am I cold, not as much as you may think. Do I appreciate your concern, yes. I just don't need to hear it every day. Once every two weeks is just fine.

So back to this Tiger Woods thing. Wow. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork to claim their piece of the pie. Waitresses, porn stars, hostesses, I think one woman was a cat lady. Seems like Tiger would hit anything with his 5 wood...

I guess this makes me wonder a few things. Is Tiger a sex addict? Is it just cause he can? Do these girls do something Elin won't? More often? At all? How did she find out? Couldn't Tiger have been more selective? Why does everyone care (aside from his family)? And most of all, why is everyone so surprised? What reason has there been to think that Tiger is any different that any other athlete. If Tiger was a basketball player, he would be playing golf this weekend. Shawn Kemp is still discovering children at a rate of 1.2 every month. I'm not excusing wat he did, not really cool, especially since Elin is pretty hot, but really it isn't anyones business. And I (sadly) an interested by it, but not really surprised. More often then not males (especially pro athletes) are a product of their surroundings and opportunities. They were there, so he pounced. Though I bet when he, Federer and Jeter found that lost cat, they didn't know they were in for a wild night of love making.

Randoms....

So I just watched the movie Terminator Salvation. Meh. Were there a few ok action set pieces sure, but between those events the acting just kinda laid there like Terri Schiavo. But even Jesus would have pulled the plug on this one. Plus Common should stop making movies cause he can't act. He literally made what should be a hopeful phrase "It worked!" sound worse than his album Universal Mind Control. If plugging a different anonymous black man or rapper into Wanted or Smokin' Aces means he goes back to making good albums and not crap club music, then please do it. Seeing 1984 Arnold was nice though. Bring in James Cameron, since the only good Terminators were the first two.

Speaking of Cameron. Avatar comes out in a few weeks. Even the TV commercials say "movies won't be the same" after it comes out. Really? I guess the 3d is supposed to be cool (though i think it only really works with animation, like UP or Coraline(both very good by the way)). Paradis has pointed out that he has yet to make a bad movie, which I naturally wanted to argue. After running through his filmography I realized he was right. Terminator, T2, Abyss, True Lies, even Titanic reached levels of high comedy with people ping ponging of propellers and the band continuing to play their instruments as people are sliding off the ship. Hilarious. But I'm not sold yet. Right now it looks like Matrix Revolutions meets Dragonheart. And all those 12 foot tall blue people creep me out. And you know that they are going to have some gross lizard sex. If you ride your dragon home after a one night stand, is it a fly of shame? Glide of Shame? I dunno, I probably just go see Sherlock Homes over Christmas. Cause who doesn't love a Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr bromance.

Lost is only two months away. Final Season. Whose giddy? I am. I just hope Walt comes back and schools everyone with his teleporting, backwards talking, bird homing skills. And that Sawyer just talks back to people. And Ben utters the phrase "fickle bitch" every episode. can't wait.

I'm currently stuck listening to 5 songs ad nausea. In no particular order.

• Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi. Maybe my favorite track off of his great debut album. Seek out the album if you like introspective, forward moving hip hop. Plus this track is produced by Ratatat and features MGMT. Pretty, pretty good.
• Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I was sad to hear that this band was in town last week and I didn't know about it. Nice pseudo-country rock track with a infectious hook (Home, Let me come Home, Home is Whenever I'm with you) and I love when a song breaks down into a little speak along story.
  
• 40 Day Dream by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Another great track from this new group. Worth listening to just the following verse:

I been sleepin for 60- days and

Nobody better pinch me
Bitch I swear I’ll go crazy
She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath now
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death now

• My Girls by Animal Collective. Simply put, its like listening to Brian Wilson on acid. Wait, that's what the Beach Boys did. Well then its like Brian Wilson, Roger Troutman, and Daft Punk making a song about love, family, and contentment with both.
• La Vie en Rose by Louis Armstrong. My old timey kick brought me around to this gem that I had heard before, but never gave its proper due until recently (thanks for the heads up Chaus). Just a beautiful song. Go download it now.
  

Also, I just found my second blog that I made called Simons' Says on the left side links. So if you are looking for more of my politically insensitive and grammatically incorrect rants, help yourself.

Turkey Day

Pleasantly uncomfortable. The only way to truly describe a good Thanksgiving. A little turkey, some mashed potaters, end it with some 7up cake (what!?) and that's good stuff. Makes me wonder about a few things I'm grateful for.

DVR- I actually spent the first couple hours of my day today catching up on some of my shows. Since there isn't anything good to watch during the day (Young and the Restless notwithstanding) I can get my fill of The Office, Modern Family, or V in my jammies. Beautiful.

Micro-Brews- Sometimes you need something tasty to sip on and we have some great midwest breweries. Summit, Surly, Lift Bridge, Leinie's, Bell's, Two Brothers, and Furthermore, just to name a few. Check out Surly's Coffee Bender if you love a good stout.

Swill- Sometimes you just need a cheap PBR or Premium to was chill out after a long day at work.

Metro Transit- I would like to say I ride the bus as a way to help Al Gore battle global warming, but I'm not. I just like to read for twenty minutes and listen to my iPod. Plus there is no better people watching. Cat ladies, homeless people, kids ditching school, and people who talk to themselves about who is after their organs. Plus that little girl who asked her mom if the person leaving the bus was going to catch another one was too adorable (cue canned "awwww").

Pizza- Even a bad pizza is still edible. I'd eat a Jack's pizza everyday if i had to, but Dulano's is just down the street. And they have awesome cheese bread.


Vikings- Our team is super sweet from top to bottom. I'm almost ready to accept Grandpa Brett as our *cough* leader.

Cartoons- I love a good cartoon, especially ones that play to the top of their intelligence. UP, WALL*E, The Iron Giant, Lion King, Emperors New Groove, and the movie I had the pleasure of seeing post turkey, Fantastic Mr. Fox. Ok, technically its claymation, bu you get the point. Check it out nowish. Funny, heartwarming, smart and plenty of cussing.



New Twins Stadium- Outdoor, full view baseball. Delicious... I just hope they honor the Mall of America Field at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome by keeping the name Dome Dogs.

Twin Cities Music scene- Whether its home grown music like Atmosphere, Heirupsecs, or Solid Gold, or the countless great bands we have come through to our many sweet venues, not much beats seeing a live show.

Finally, obviously I am grateful for all my family and friends. Without them I wouldn't have anyone to bounce and of these random ruminations off of. That and they are supportive and stuff. Love you peeps. You all know who you are. Ok, sorry not you. Stop crying. Wow I thought they would never leave this blog. Looks like its just the cool kids now. See you soon, pals.